When I was single and looking for "the man" - I had a list of requirements that "the man" needed to have. (This was more than 20 years ago :-)). When I met my hubby, he scored 87% on my list. The cut-off was 80%. Yes, indeed, this is the Engineering side of me coming through. The other 13% was overcome by his continuous pursuit with romantic messages, rap tunes and complimentary "lines"! Well, one of the items that caused him to not score 100% on that list, was his financial management style. He was a spender and I was a saver.
He would buy CDs, hide them in the basement and then slowly bring them out, thinking that I would not notice. Unfortunately for him, his wife was just way too sharp for him :-). I have heard of women who buy clothes and hide them from their husbands. It seems to be common for spenders to do, when there isn't enough communication and unity about the finances.
For years, I would struggle with the resentment of my hubby spending our hard earned cash on frivolous things and I had to be the one who ensured that the bills were paid, the one who ensured that we had any savings. I threatened to have a separate bank account from him, on many occassions. I am so very glad to say that we have overcome that hurdle and we no longer struggle with that. I am thankful that we did not go our separate ways with regards to our bank accounts. One of the things we do is run an Alpha Marriage Course at our church, so healthy marriages are of great interest to us. I have observed that couples who can work through the challenges of having a united bank account (and not have secret accounts or separate accounts) can have more unity in their marriages.
What did we do? Quite a few years back, I decided to take a chance and have my hubby pay the bills. We have a designated spot for the bills that come in and when he sees them (because the designated spot so happens to be a spot by the computer he would work on), he would pay them. I have to confess, I would still secretly monitor the situation, to ensure that the bills were paid on time - I did not want any of my utilities cut off during this learning process. Unlike some couples whom I have counseled to try this, my hubby enjoyed paying the bills. He is also an Engineer who enjoys numbers. I did not have to monitor him for long! He paid all the bills on time. He saw for himself what we had and didn't have in the account. At the beginning, it did not stop him from spending. He got very proficient in transferring money from the credit line to the chequing account to pay bills when we had used up our Overdraft!
He could see that when he continued to do this, our debt load increased - he now had another bill to pay - the Credit Line! We then implemented a family meeting. I wanted our entire family to be in on our financial goals - not just me. I just could not bear the burden alone anymore! So, one night, after I finished doing our Month End, I gathered everyone together to go through the information I had obtained on the Month End. I told them that it was a Family Meeting. I showed my hubby and kids our Monthly Budget and how we were doing in reality. I believe it was a true eye opener for everyone, kids and hubby included. The kids got to learn that Electricity and Water costs money. My hubby got to see that if we keep running a deficit, we would keep adding to our debt load.
I am now a believer in ensuring that the entire family is informed, so that I no longer need to be the mean person who puts a stop to all spending. We are all aware of what we have to spend and so we usually spend responsibly. I have relaxed a whole lot more and have started to buy nicer things for the entire family, including myself. We are no longer "spender" vs "saver", but we are a couple who are united in our financial goals. Life is good when there is peace in the household and money in the bank!
Sounds really good, I like it.
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